I've been in a posting slump lately. I'm not sure if it is due to sensory overload from everything going on in my life, or depression caused by everything that's going on in my life, or simply everything that's been going on in my life. But the simple fact is that I've been in a posting slump. I feel as if I have nothing entertaining, or creative to tell about. One of the things that I hate doing is posting about how terrible things are and how down I am. So, I try not to post when I am feeling down. I have always been a firm believer in the fact that positive thinking will lead to positivity in your life, therefore, even when I feel like crap, I always try to smile.
I was asked one day by a co-worker, "Why are you always smiling?"
This question took me by surprise and literally shocked me.
My response to this person was this: "Would you prefer I walk around frowning all of the time?"
They quickly replied back, "No, but I don't understand how you could be happy every day of your life."
I told this person that I'm not happy everyday of my life. But I am happy most days of my life, and I have discovered that smiling makes my day go better. You should try it and see how it works for you.
Yes, this person thinks I'm the biggest fake in the world, and really doesn't like me much, but hey, who cares. Right?
As of late, I've been finding it hard to smile. The events of 2008 tested my mental stability, and I feel that it has shaken me to the core of my self being. I keep wanting to get back on track, but I find it harder and harder as time goes on. You see, not long after my Father died, I was told by someone very close to me that I wasn't a nice person. This shocked me because I have always tried to be a nice person. Since a little bit before Christmas I started searching my soul to try and rediscover who I am. I tried to examine my life and my actions to see if I really acted like the kind, thoughtful person that I perceive myself to be.
This is what I have discovered about myself:
I eat when I am feeling lonely and sad. I don't even have to be hungry. I use food to comfort me.
I AM a kind, and compassionate person. I care about other people, and I do have humanity living inside of me, despite what others may think.
I have a tendency to be a bit blunt and to the point, therefore some people may think I'm cruel and heartless, but in truth, I'm just honest.
I love my children with every ounce of my soul, and my life would not be worth living without them.
I have unconscionably alienated my husband from me, and would like desperately to make things better.
So to make things better I am going to make 2009 my year to fix myself.
I'm not making resolutions, I'm just going setting small goals.
Right now I am trying to eat healthier. And I have involved my husband in this campaign and we are going to do this together. So far it is working. We have been working at it for two weeks now and I have lost between 6-7lbs already. Just by eating healthier foods! Last week I started swimming at the community center again, and I can already feel tension in my shoulders relieving and I am finding it a bit easier to breath. I have decided that if I could make myself feel better about myself, then everything else will fall into place.
So, I need you, my motivational speakers, to help me with my goals. I need you to tell me that I don't need that chocolate fudge brownie, that I should eat the orange instead. I'll need you to tell me how wonderful I'm doing when I post my updates on my progress.
Thank you for your ongoing support, and remember, I'm always here for you, too.