Thursday, January 15, 2009

Posting Slump.

I've been in a posting slump lately. I'm not sure if it is due to sensory overload from everything going on in my life, or depression caused by everything that's going on in my life, or simply everything that's been going on in my life. But the simple fact is that I've been in a posting slump. I feel as if I have nothing entertaining, or creative to tell about. One of the things that I hate doing is posting about how terrible things are and how down I am. So, I try not to post when I am feeling down. I have always been a firm believer in the fact that positive thinking will lead to positivity in your life, therefore, even when I feel like crap, I always try to smile.

I was asked one day by a co-worker, "Why are you always smiling?"
This question took me by surprise and literally shocked me.
My response to this person was this: "Would you prefer I walk around frowning all of the time?"
They quickly replied back, "No, but I don't understand how you could be happy every day of your life."

I told this person that I'm not happy everyday of my life. But I am happy most days of my life, and I have discovered that smiling makes my day go better. You should try it and see how it works for you.
Yes, this person thinks I'm the biggest fake in the world, and really doesn't like me much, but hey, who cares. Right?

As of late, I've been finding it hard to smile. The events of 2008 tested my mental stability, and I feel that it has shaken me to the core of my self being. I keep wanting to get back on track, but I find it harder and harder as time goes on. You see, not long after my Father died, I was told by someone very close to me that I wasn't a nice person. This shocked me because I have always tried to be a nice person. Since a little bit before Christmas I started searching my soul to try and rediscover who I am. I tried to examine my life and my actions to see if I really acted like the kind, thoughtful person that I perceive myself to be.

This is what I have discovered about myself:
I eat when I am feeling lonely and sad. I don't even have to be hungry. I use food to comfort me.
I AM a kind, and compassionate person. I care about other people, and I do have humanity living inside of me, despite what others may think.
I have a tendency to be a bit blunt and to the point, therefore some people may think I'm cruel and heartless, but in truth, I'm just honest.
I love my children with every ounce of my soul, and my life would not be worth living without them.
I have unconscionably alienated my husband from me, and would like desperately to make things better.

So to make things better I am going to make 2009 my year to fix myself.
I'm not making resolutions, I'm just going setting small goals.
Right now I am trying to eat healthier. And I have involved my husband in this campaign and we are going to do this together. So far it is working. We have been working at it for two weeks now and I have lost between 6-7lbs already. Just by eating healthier foods! Last week I started swimming at the community center again, and I can already feel tension in my shoulders relieving and I am finding it a bit easier to breath. I have decided that if I could make myself feel better about myself, then everything else will fall into place.

So, I need you, my motivational speakers, to help me with my goals. I need you to tell me that I don't need that chocolate fudge brownie, that I should eat the orange instead. I'll need you to tell me how wonderful I'm doing when I post my updates on my progress.

Thank you for your ongoing support, and remember, I'm always here for you, too.

57 comments:

kylie said...

hi cece
it's so good that you are looking for solutions....
i struggle to eat healthily but i do believe that the more you do it the easier it gets, like every lifestyle change, i guess

as for unconscionably alienating your husband, well thats agonising. you seem to still have a strong foundation though and thats a great thing. it's my belief that if there is some basic respect and affection it wont take long to rebuild.
finally, it's much easier said than done and i dont want to be obnoxious but listen, listen, listen

i hope stuff goes well for you
keep us informed, eh?

lots of love
k

just bob said...

FIRST

Good luck with all of those small things you're working on. I don't have any resolutions either, but a list of small things similar to you.

Also, I get to be the first to say you're probably one of the nicest people I've ever encountered. Whomever told you that you are not needs an attitude adjustment themselves.

Finally, I don't blog much when I'm down either. And when I do, it's about stupid stuff like microwave popcorn. You turned the page on the calendar to 2009 successfully... hopefully other things will change for the better for you as well.

just bob said...

DAMMIT... Kylie beat me two minutes.

kylie said...

and dammit,
he said the other person needs an attitude adjustment just when i realised i didnt get that bit in...

just bob said...

Hi Kylie.

Cece said...

Hey you two! I love you guys. And Bob, thanks.

Kylie,
I'm going to try and listen, but you are right, it is hard to do sometimes.

kylie said...

hi bob

hi cece

you are lovely , repeat and remember

people who poke fingers at you are really seeing something they dont like in themselves

ismyfootbiggerthanmymouth said...

cece -
you have already blah blah blah ditto on kylie and bob.
happy almost birthday too. i saw somewhere a long time ago and remembered as it is a fantastic day in history...although i beat you by almost ten years!

P.S. I think you are doing an incredible job. Great job! Keep going, girl!

MJ said...

People pee in the pool, you know.

Megan said...

I'm rooting for you! Like Dory says, "just keep swimming, just keep swimming"...

Leah said...

Cece, your approach is a good one. And long marriages, god do I know from experience, go through their highs and then their plunging lows...but I like what Kylie says on the subject. Listen to Kylie!

This post was anything but a posting slump--it was a really great post. You know something funny? I was up at 3 in the morning and starving and instead of reaching for Hedgie's Oreo Cakesters, I thought of your post and ate a navel orange instead!!! I'm serious!!!

xoxoxo

Queen Goob said...

Hey Sunshine! I'm so proud of you for making this "YOUR" year. Whoever stated you weren't a nice person must be someone that does know you as we do. You are one of the most kind, compassionate people I've had the pleasure of knowing and the fact that this bothers you is just another example of why.

The husband thing is hard. My boyfriend just moved down here to be with me and we are going through the adjustments. I've found that actions speak louder than words and a simple holding of his hand or a hug and a thanks can show him how much he means to me sometimes better than the words "I love you."

I was a swimmer in my younger years and agree with this being one of the best ways not only to exercise but to contemplate all that "stuff" that is constantly going through my head. It’s a way to work out issues and "draft" my thoughts - one of the best ways to even out the tilt of life.

Keep plugging along through the good times and bad – we are ALL here for you and remember, we all have big strong shoulders just waiting for you should you even need us.

HUGS!

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