Friday, February 29, 2008

Ode to Javie Dog

I look up at you with loving eyes,
You snap the flash and now I am blind.
I speak to you in many ways,
I love the boys and when we play.
And tender moments like the one below,
Can melt the heart of any soul.

I will always be your friend,

I am loyal to the end.

I have a heart of solid gold,

I'll be by your side as we grow old.

The love I show will have no measure,

Oh Javie Dog, your such a treasure.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

The Love of My Life

This post is dedicated to the man that I love. We will be celebrating 12 awesome years of marriage this coming Sunday, and I just wanted to introduce this wonderfully, sexy specimen of a man to my extended blogging family.

It only takes a moment to fall in love, but it takes a lifetime to keep it burning.

With a quick pace, he walked into my life.

He is silent enigma of beauty and grace

with a soul that is loyal, genuine, and true.

His love for his family runs deep within his veins.

He enriches my life with something much more precious than jewels.

The gift he gives me could not be equalled by materialistic items.

His gift to me is love.

He loves me for who I am and he makes me a better person by doing so.
For when I hurt him, and I hurt him for I am only human, the pain I see in his eyes is unbearable. He is the mate to my soul, my star crossed love. Our destinies are woven together forever in the fabric of time. There is no other man that could make me happier. There is no other man that could love me the way that he does.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008


Is it the face of a man or a word that you see?
A whisper from a shadow,
A voice of reason from the depths of subconscious?
Or vicious lies?

Only the soul truly knows
What lies in man’s heart.

Saturday, February 23, 2008


By Cecile Balding
He gazes out over the earth
plagued by the wrath of darkness.
What was created from darkness
Shall parish from darkness.
He gazes out over the earth.
We are all puppets on strings.
Controlled by the Devil, these strings.
For his own pleasures he toys with the strings.
He gazes out over the earth
Puppets plagued by darkness
Controlled by the Devil's strings.
Shall perish from darkness, these puppets.

Thursday, February 21, 2008


It was a cold and drery day when mom's water broke. The Missouri landscape was teaming with potential beauty and wonder, but Old Man Winter held it captive in his death chains of cold grayness. Dad wasn't home. He had escaped this desolate land for the much milder duck hunting climate of Arkansas. Mom had no way of reaching him, so she enlisted the help of my oldest brother to get her to the nearest hospital, 30 miles away. After many long agonizing hours of labor, I was born with a stainless steel spoon in my mouth. The steel tasted bitter at first, but being the youngest of 10 children, I quickly learned that it would do me no good to complain. My sibling informed me that I was the "Lucky one". They entertained me with stories of carving their own wooden spoons, so I should be happy for my prefabricated steel one.

My dad was 52 and my mother was 40 when I was born, so I was tagged with the title of the change of life baby. I had a relativly happy childhood. We were not rich, but we never went without. We always had a garden with fresh vegetables, and my dad and brother were avid hunters and fishermen, therefore, we always had a freezer full of fresh game and fish.
I remember learning life lessons in the form of stories told by my father. He always had interesting tale about fighting in WWII and flying small commutter planes with his old Navy buddy. He also told stories about living through the depression and about traveling as a hobo with his brother Frank. The only bad memory as a small child occured when I was 10. One of my brothers was killed in a car accident that year. He was only 23.

I moved out of my parents house 3 months after I turned 18 and 3 months before graduating high school. My parents had bought a house in a different state, and I didn't want to go with them. They were willing to wait the three months for me to finish high school, but I didn't want them to. They had already devoted so much of their lives to their children. So, I skipped school one day and rented myself an apartment, turned on utilities and the following weekend I was on my own. But not for long.
Shortly after moving out, one of my sisters came nocking on my door. She needed a place to live, so I let her and her son move in. We lived together for awhile and then, my youngest brother asked to move in, so we let him join us too. Soon, my two bedroom apartment became very cramped. Not long after my brother moved in, my sister decided to move back to Michigan with her boyfriend, so this just left my brother and me.
But my sisters departure was actually the beginning of one of the darkest times of my life. It should have been a wonderful time. I was young, smart, funny, and a hard worker. I held down two jobs to pay my way through college, and times were hard. I remember weeks where I only had 7 cents left in my checking account after paying all of my bills, and I wasn't sure how I would buy groceries. But, thanks to my friends, I always seemed to have enough to eat.
But the trouble was with my brother. He became heavily addicted to drugs. He stopped paying for his half of the rent, and wouldn't pay anything on the utilities. He even did the unthinkable and began to steel from me, even when I barely had enough to get by as it was. I put up with him for several months because he was my brother and he had nowhere else to go. He had lost his job, his house, his truck, his wife, and his son. But it was all his fault. I began to feel rather desparate when he started to get violent with me. There were several times when he would come home after a drug beng and tried to use me for a recreational punching bag. I was a strong woman, and always managed to put up a pretty good fight, but I still ended up hurt in more ways than one. He was in so much trouble with the law, and one fateful day they came looking for him. He wasn't there. He has been gone for the past three day. I assume he was hiding out, but I don't know where. They left me a card and asked me to give them a call if he showed back up. Later that night, he appeared. The look in his eyes were very wild. I don't know what he was on, but I knew that he was extremely dangerous. He instantly began to push me around hitting me as often as he could and grabbing me by my hair when I tried to run away from him. Constantly demanding to know what I had told them. I still don't know how I got away from him, but I managed to run into the kitchen. He threw a glass piggy bank at my head and it shattered on the cabinets behind me spraying my face with shards of glass and coins. Then he started to run at me. I was afraid that he was going to body slam me into the cabinets. If this would have happened, he could have broken my back and paralyzed me for life, or worse. To my luck, there was a cast iron skillet sitting on top of the stove. I grabbed it and swung. It connected with the side of his head and I knocked him out. In a panick, I dragged his body out of the apartment and into the parking lot. Then I went back inside and called the police. They picked him up and took him to jail, and that horrible chapter in my life ended.

Then the best chapters of my life began.
I graduated in 1995 with my associates degree in Medical Technology and started dating my husband. We married in 1996 and had 5 wonderful child free years together to get to know one another and solidify our relationship. In 2000 I went back to college to finish my Bachelors degree and in 2001 we had our boys. In 2002 I graduated again.

In 2005 the bad luck cloud found it's way to my door once again. My sister, who had been fighting breast cancer since 99 was told that the cancer had spread to her bone. She underwent radiation therapy and became extremely ill. At the same time, my mother broke her knee and had to have knee replacement surgery and both my dad and father-in-law were admitted to the hospital with pneumonia. So 4 members of my family were hospitalized all in the same week. Later that year, we got custody of my husband's troubled 16 year old neice. This little demon child caused us a ton of greif. Shortly after gaining custody of her, my father-in-law became extremely ill again, and this time, he did not return home from the hospital. His death did not come easily, and I am still haunted today by this experience. But something good did come from it. It strengthened the bond between my husband and I. Two months after the death, the neice ran away from home and we ended up placing her at the Arkansas Sherrif's Youth ranch. This lifted a heavy burden from us and things slowly began to get back to normal. 006 came and my mother in-law suffered a stroke. Luckily, she was still able to live by herself, but she relied on us greatly for assistance, which we gladly gave. We grew very close, and eventually, she began to come and stay for days at a time with us. Last year, she had another stroke while driving home from our house and wrecked her truck. She suffered severe head trauma and an intracranial bleed. They did emergency surgery to stop the bleed, but she never came out of her coma. We waited for two months for some sign or miracle, but none never came. Eventually, my husband and I had to make the hardest decision of our lives and had her feeding tube taken out. The Dr's and nurses all told us that it was the most humane thing to do, but this didn't make things any easier. It took her 12 agnoizing days to die. Last summers experience left me extremely bitter, sad, angry, but most of all, it left me completely faithless. I have always struggled with religion, and the concept of God and Jesus, and this completely desolated any glimmer of faith I had.

So, my life has shaped who I am today.
I know that we all go through good times and dark times, but we must pick up and move on.

So now that you have endured this tortur to the end, I have a favor to ask. I would like for each of you to explain briefly how you are able to maintain your faith, what your faith is, or why you lack faith.

PS. I did not spell check this or proof read it because my kids are fighting and I need to go and split them up. So just endure the errors, because that's what makes me human.
Have a great weekend,

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Shameless self promotion

My book will be ready for purchase within the next 3-4 weeks. In the mean time, you can click on this link and view my book cover, read a little about the author, and even read a small sneak peak. I am so excited about all of this, so yeah.

I am currently working on a post that is taking me some time to write. So, this may be all you get from me until Friday. And you owe it all to BBC. You see, he thinks that even though I am young, I think like an old person. And he wants to know how I got to be so old so fast. So to answer his question properly, I have had to do some deep thinking. I thought that I would share the answer with all of you, plus, there will be a hidden agenda within my next post, so stay tuned. Don't you just love cliffhangers?

Much love to all, Cecile

Monday, February 18, 2008

These last few days

This is the skyline of the beautiful city, Little Rock. Actually, this is my view from the parking deck at work almost every morning. I arrive to work at the crack of dawn and I am rewarded with this amazing site. I'm going to miss this view. Becuase after Februrary, my view from work will be different. You see, I am changing jobs. Yes, I made my decision to take the new job, and I only have two more weeks left at my old one. So I'm going to be pretty busy. I have a lot of work to do in order to make this transition smooth for everyone.
So many of you are wondering where I have been, and some of you already know. I traveled to Missouri to visit my parents. And yes, they had snow! Although it wasn't the right kind of snow to make a snowman. It was hard crunchy snow. This photograph is of the old Baptist Home Nursing Home in Arcadia Valley, Missouri. The home was established in 1913, and it is quite haunting sitting up on the hill draped in snow. It sort of gave me the creeps. My grandmother used to work here. And a sister of mine was married here. In the summertime, the grounds are beautiful. The grass is very green and lush and there are lots of very big trees. But it is still creepy no matter what time of year you see it. (Shivers run down my spine when I look upon this site.)
Ah yes, and our trip would not have been complete without showing off the animal magnatism of my boys. Ginger the horse was quite taken with Nathan. They loved the snow! They were so excited, and traipsed around all afternoon.
It seem the cold didn't even bother them. This is my parent's view from their front porch. The horses belong to a sister of mine. I think they thought the boys were going to give them something good to eat. The horses are very spoiled.
They even learned about old times. This is Forrest standing beside an old antique plow in my parents front lawn. He wanted to know what it was used for. He thought it was cool.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Beside You I Stand

I've had trouble getting a post out this week. Both of my boys have been sick. Nathan started breaking out with a rash last night and he had been running fever for 5 days, so I began to suspect strep throat. We took both boys to the Dr. today, and sure enough, my diagnosis was correct. So hopefully with with this antibiotic they will quickly be on the mend. I thought I would share with you tonight the lyrics of a song that I wrote for my boys. I was trying to let them know that even though I had to leave and go to work, that I would always have them in my heart.

This is my vision of heaven.

Pictured here are all 3 of my reasons for living,

or at least the 3 most important ones.

"Beside You I Stand"

In the morning when you awake,

Oh my love, don't be afraid.

Even though, I'm not there,

Oh my love, just know I care.

It's alright it's all ok.

Because my love is here to stay.

Don't you worry, don't be afraid.

'Cause right beside you is where I'll stay.

These miles between us, they are long.

But all this distance will make us strong.

Although I'll miss you, please understand

That right beside you is where I'll stand.

It's alright it's all ok.

Because my love is here to stay.

Don't you worry, don't be afraid.

'Cause right beside you is where I'll stay.

So when it's night fall, and time for sleep,

Just close your eyes and dream of me.

'Cause I'll be driving until it's day,

And right beside you is where I'll stay.

It's alright it's all ok.

Because my love is here to stay.

Don't you worry, don't be afraid.

'Cause right beside you is where I'll stay.

Yes, right beside you is where I'll stay.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Valentines's Day. And remember, it's not the gift, but the amount of love you share that matters.

Monday, February 11, 2008

A focus on love and it's many forms.

This week I have decided to focus on love, or the loss of love, and perhaps the lack of love. Afterall, Valentines day is just around the corner. So enjoy my series of poetry on love, betrayal and who know, maybe even revenge!
He lay there listening to the waves crashing against the cold drab rocks.
A dreamy smile flooded his face.
She sat there looking at him, wishing the ocean would swell up and engulf her so that she would never feel the heartache again.
He just laid there dreaming of another.
She felt alone.
Like waves crashing violently against the shore, my heart slams against my chest.
The pain I feel is unbearable.
The damage is very real.
Why did I let you climb over the wall I have for so long gaurded?
Why did you steal my love and leave me so empty?
Written by: Cecile

Sunday, February 10, 2008

The Surrender

The Surrender
I feel your body shudder with anticipation as I caress your lips with a sweet kiss.
I search your eyes for a commitment of safety and security,
I find none.
In a wild panic, I realize that I have been deceived.
I have been deceived by you and all of your oleaginous white lies.
All of your poisonous slander floods back to me.
Your words feel like a fire red branding iron searing my brain,
As you murmur your sincere, “I love you,” in my ear.
I try to shield myself from your malicious banter of deceit,
But my heart wants to believe you, so I become enslaved to you.
I lay here, like an insect trapped in a black widow’s web.
I am a prisoner of your noxious soul.
Slowly, as my resistance wanes, I realize the darkness of my own soul.
We two were brought together by fate.
Exhausted from all of this inner turmoil, I give into my heart.
Seductively you fill me up with your hot steamy love.
With the sweet taste of defeat on my tongue, I search your eyes again for a commitment.
This time, I find my forever.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

When the waitress gives you lemons. Throw it away!

I saw the video below on You Tube and it made me laugh my ass off. I hope you all laugh too.
You will have to copy and past it into your address bar to view it. But trust me, it is well worth it.


A certain gentlman by the name of BBC thinks that modern women are the root of all evil and ultimately will be the downfall of the world. I'm not so sure that I agree with his opinion, but we are all entitled to one. You see, I am a modern woman. I believe in free will, I believe that marriage is a 50/50 relationship. I work for a living just like any man. I also believe that woman are just as smart as men. I believe women are just a capable as men and can accomplish almost anything that a man thinks he can accomplish and sometimes more. Do I think women are superior to men? NO. I think we are all equal. We all should have the same rights, we all should have equal pay that is adjusted accordingly for our education and job performance. Anyway, I know that BBC is getting a good chuckle out of this. I know he believes he has ruffled my feathers, and actually he has slightly. But that is what blogging is all about. That is why we write on here. We aspire to raise passions, to aquire comments, and to make other people think. You see, if BBC's opinion about "Modern Women" is correct, then George W. Bush Jr. must be a modern woman in an idiots body. We have a severe case of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers". We as Americans need to stand together this year and do something about it. We all need to get out there and vote. We need to make our voices heard that we don't want 4 or even 8 more years of GOP recessions. Let's get out there and vote for a real Modern Woman. I think you all know whom I speak about! In the mean time, I have a nice song that sums up modern women to a T. So BOYS eat your hearts out. Because we women will rule the world some day!

Maneater by Nelly Fertado

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Oh and thank you Bindi for my award. You know we Modern Women must stick together. And Sister, I'll stand beside you through thick and thin. YOu have my number, so call me anytime.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Rose Colored Glasses

Don't walk with rose colored glasses.
For life is not always good.
Things go wrong
And nobody is acting the way we think they should.

Don't walk with rose colored glasses.
It's the hard way we must all learn.
They come at you with a smile upon their face
But inside of them, it's their soul that burns.

I've taken my rose colored glasses
And I've stomped them into the ground.
'Cause when I wore them, it seems to me,
My world would turn upside down.

Don't walk with rose colored glasses.
They show no truth and only lies.
'Cause in the end every child, woman, and man
To escape this world, they all must die.

This was my cause of sleeplessness last night.
Maybe that is why my head has ached all day long.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

I"m late, I"m late, I'm really really late!

I woke up in my son's bed again this morning. My back was killing me. His bed is very hard. It used to be my bed when I was a child, I"m thinking it is time to get him a new mattress. I am sleeping in his bed because mine is out of commission. We have a water bed. Well, actually that should be past tense. We woke up in the middle of the night Monday night and our bed was very wet. I guess one or more of the water tubes had sprung a leak. So, Tuesday morning we disassembled the bed, carried the tubes to the tub and my husband slit them open with a knife to empty the water. We then went to the Dreamline factory in our town and laid on several mattresses until we found one that we both liked. We ordered the mattress and then we were told that they have to make it and it would be ready for pickup on FRIDAY! Our bed had a sponge egg create type thing that zipped up over the water tubes, so the boys have been sleeping there and Husband and I have been sleeping in their beds. So back to my story, I woke up this morning, with my back killing me. I was very groggie. I stretched a cat like stretch and yawned a very big yawn. Then I opened my eyes. I felt very confused and disoriented. It was way too light in the room. I looked at the alarm clock at the bedside table. It read 6:22am. SHIT!!! I should have been leaving my house at that time, no just waking up. So I jumped out of bed and rushed to the bathroom and I started the frantic hurry up morning routine. You know the one. The Ho bath with a washcloth and a little soap, the slap water on the head so that nothing stands up and combe the hair as best you can, no makeup (of course I never wear the stuff to work anyway, so that wasn't an issue). And don't forget the quick teeth brushing and deodorant swipe. I was half way through this frenzied routine when it struck me. Why am I rushing around here like a mad woman? What purpose does this serve? I'm already late for work. What difference does it make if I'm 20 minutes late or 60 minutes late? I"m still late. So, I slowed down. I even stopped off at the local Starbucks for some pansy ass flavored coffee with an extra shot of exspresso. (NO, not decaf this time, Cher.)And did you know, I was only 20 minutes late for work this morning. I don't even have to stay late because I worked over by 20 minutes yesterday, so I completely made up for it this morning. So life is treating me pretty well this morning. I got an extra 50 minutes of sleep, I'm well caffineated, the sun is shining, and it's a cool crisp morning. I saw the State Capitol building enveloped in fog and it was a beautiful site. I have to remember to bring my camera to work one day so that I can show all of you the beauty that I get to see each morning. The view of the capitol and downtown area from our parking deck as the sunrises behind it as georgous. This morning there was a heavy fog and it looked extremely cool. Alas, now I have to go have blood drawn. I hope this doesn't put a damper on my day.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008


I am writing this from work, so I do not have any pictures to show.
Last night terrible storms swept through Arkansas, Tennessee,Kentucky and I'm sure various other states. There were 16 confirmed tornadoes in Arkansas alone. The boys and I were at the Community Center when the storms struck our town. We had gone there to swim and get some exercise. We were told that we had to get out of the pool because it was lightening. I should have stayed at the Community Center until the storms past, but I had my boys with me and I wanted to get them home where my husband was waiting. It was raining so hard that I could barely see the road, and the wind almost blew me off the road. My husband was very concerned. When we reached our house, he was outside watching for us. He had started his car and was about to come look for us. We were lucky last night. We did not sustain any damage to our home or property, and we are all safe and sound today. Unfortunatly, there are people in other parts of this state and in other states that were not as fortunate as us. There have been 13 confirmed deaths in Arkansas, 32 confirmed deaths total in all of the states effected by the storms last night. I heard on the radio that the American Red Cross is in desparate need for blood. They are also in need of monetary donations, but at least giving blood is free. Maybe not painless, but free. If you are interested in giving blood, you can call 1-800-RED CROSS and find the location of the nearest donation site, and you may also make monetary donations at this number. But please, if nothing else, say a prayer for those in need today, or if your not the religious type, send wishes of well being to those in need. Positive energy is the key to goodness!


Friday, February 1, 2008

Reflections in Time.

Sometimes we all just need to take a step back and reflect upon the life that we live.

Do we attack life head on?

Or do we sit back and let life take us by suprise?

Or do we jump in and hope that we are just able to stay afloat and pray for a little help along the way?

I believe that we do all three, and it takes moments of peace and tranquility to help us put our lives back into perspective.

We walk around stumbling in the dark, desparately searching for a beacon of light to lead us to the right path.

And once we find that beacon, we climb to the top, searching for answers.

Sometimes the view from the top is breath taking.

And other times it seems like a long way down. Down the spiral staircase that we just climbed, stopping at every platform of life to catch our breath. Our heads swim as we look back and see how far we have come.

But the time will come when our ship comes in, and we are able to sail away to peace and tranquility. Oh how I long for that time to come.

The light at the end of the tunnle is just within my grasp.

For vacation is only two months away!