Friday, January 4, 2008

Moods of Melancholy

I am in a melancholy mood today, with a bit of sadness thrown into the mix. I have been thinking about the passing of my mother-in-law today, and decided to call my own mother. It saddened me almost to the verge of tears. You see, my father is very ill. He is suffering from decreased renal function of only 15%, plus his hear only functions at 30%. He suffers from diabetes type II. He needs a pace maker and dialysis, but refused both. My mother is in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's. And even though I have told her what I got for Christmas, she still asked me several time throughout the conversation. Each time I told her again and her reaction was the same. I was hoping this year would be easier than last year, but today, I was hit by the realization that I would soon lose both of my parents. This made me feel very sad and alone. But, I should be thankful, because I know that I have two wonderful sons that love me, I have a beautiful husband that supports and loves me, and I have the most amazing group of friends to lean on for support. So even though, I am sitting here and reflecting on my sadness and loss, I am rejoicing in the happiness of my life.
All of this reflection made me think of a poem that I wrote several years ago, it goes as follows:

The Aged and the Innocent

With blue-veined hands, she clutches a picture, tarnished yellow from age.
The child she once held so dear to her heart smiles sweetly from the frame.
She closed her eyes and lets her mind travel, back through a millennium of years.
As she slips farther away from reality, slowly her life line drains.
He sits there with her now. The night about them is heavy with death.
She opens her eyes and the light floods through the window.
The light lands upon his Angelical face.
She says,” Come closer dear, chase away the darkness with your smile.”
He says, “Come play with me, Mommy, in the golden fields above.”
Her clutched fingers suddenly relax, as the picture falls to the floor.
They race through the fields white unto harvest.
Mother and Son together, this time for eternity.
So to all of you, even though this world is filled with trials and hardships, please remember the remarkable gifts of life. And although none of us make it out of this life alive, let us hope and pray that there is certainly an afterlife waiting on the other side.


CSI Seattle said...

Hi Cecile,

I stopped in after reading your fun comments on my Blog, and thank you for your visit.

I am sorry to hear about the situation with your parents. Life presents us with difficult challenges, and you have your plate full of them now. I wish you the best.


'54Bomber said...

Hi cecile,
My heart goes out to you at this sad time in your life.Christmas time seems to put things and circumstances of one's life into sharper relief. Although I can't know what you are experiencing at the moment my thoughts are with you. My step mother-in law is also in the early stages of Alzheimers. Please know that you are in my prayers.
God bless.

Suzanne said...

I just left a comment on your most recent post, but thought I'd try to read a bit more before leaving. I found this. I'm glad I did. I feel humbled.

We bought this house from the original owners. The wife has Alzheimers and her husband cared for her for years, but was unable to continue. When we moved in, I notice their initials carved in the concrete in the driveway surrounded by a heart. They obviously love one another very much. I look at it often to remind myself life is forever changing and to simply appreciate each day.

I'm sad you're going through so much pain, but your sons seem to keep you smiling. TYou gave yourself a wonderful gift.

All the best my dear and with love, Suzanne